Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘choices’

Ever get the feeling you should (or shouldn’t) do something? It might not seem to fit; it might mean making others unhappy or disappointed; it may mean going back on a commitment because you’ve changed your mind; it may mean doing something you’ve never done- maybe something a little scary.

It might not be convenient in the moment, but usually the feeling (or little voice) inside proves right in the long run.

It’s difficult to justify decisions that come from your inner voice, especially living in a world that is defined by comparing yourself to others on the outside. Your sense of defined logic and reason don’t always match this inner voice. Sometimes it may even seem a little crazy!

But when you learn to pay attention to what your inner wisdom shows you, and to trust and follow that guidance, you’ll find a limitless source of information available to you (at your mental fingertips) that you can access at any time, for any situation or circumstance.

This means that with practice you will intuitively know what to do. The practice then becomes learning to follow this guidance and learning to trust yourself.

Learning to access your inner guidance can change how you approach pregnancy, birth, parenting and life.

So where do you find this voice?

Begin by tuning in to Monday’s show at 1pm ET here: A Labor of Love

The topic is Body Wisdom 101, where I’ll share some basic information about connecting with your inner guidance that you can begin to use right now. Even if you’re not a parent (and have no plans to be one) this information can help you connect with your inner guidance system.

(Don’t worry if you can’t catch the live show. The podcast is generally available for download within 24 hours after the show airs.)

Read Full Post »

If you heard my recent interview with Henci Goer, you know I’m really interested in women having the information they need to make decisions for their care, especially during pregnancy. I also think women have the right to choose the care they feel most comfortable with, no matter how certain data is interpreted, or by whom, or if there is no data at all. For example, choosing midwifery vs OB care can be based on statistical data of outcomes for certain providers, or it can be based solely on how a woman feels about a particular individual.

When it comes to risks and benefits, it’s up to individual women to discern their own comfort levels, especially about safety, weighing the benefits and the risks based on her individual perspective.

Similar decisions are made by individuals all the time. For example- the option to drive or walk to the store:

I live less than 2 miles from my local grocery store. A sidewalk exists on one of the 3 roads that I need to travel. The speed limit on the roads without sidewalk is 30 mph, but enforcement is nil and generally cars travel about 40 mph. Because I live in Florida, the weather is generally nice enough to walk 90% (or more) of the time.

Benefits to Walking:

  • Walking is great cardio exercise.
  • Carrying my groceries will help me save money b/c I may not be able to carry “extras”
  • Ecological benefit- less pollution
  • Save money on gas
  • Fewer miles on car/less maintenance needed
  • Safer than driving

Risks to Walking:

  • Possibility of getting hit by car where there is no sidewalk
  • I could trip/fall
  • May take time away from other necessary activities

Benefits to Driving:

  • Faster
  • Can carry as much as I want/need to buy
  • Safer than walking

Risks to Driving:

  • Possibility of car accident (3 left turns to get to store)
  • Danger of navigating the cars backing out of parking spots
  • May spend too much money due to no limits on carry weight

If you read closely, you’ll notice each option is “safer” than the other, as listed under benefits. That’s because there is a risk of injury in both cases, and ways to be safer in both cases. I could walk on the grass shoulder; wear a seat belt; wear reflectors; drive defensively. I’m sure somewhere I could find statistics that define the probability of accidents for walking vs. driving this distance under various conditions and make a statistical comparison.

But even with a thorough review of the statistics, I get to choose which feels safer to me. Even if the data “clearly show” a greater chance of injury for one option, the benefit of speed (or a smaller carbon footprint) might outweigh the risk.

Choices should be offered to women for childbirth with the full understanding that women are ultimately responsible to choose, and that women have the right to choose for themselves, no matter how others interpret the benefits and risks involved.

After all, risks and benefits cannot always be measured and statistically defined. In birth, it’s more personal than that.

Read Full Post »

When I was pregnant the first time, I didn’t even know women still had babies at home anywhere hospitals existed. It just didn’t occur to me. I’m not sure if knowing other women made that choice would have had any impact on my decision to go to a hospital. Maybe. But probably not.

I followed the rules. I was an inside the box kind of woman. I thought going to a hospital was the safest thing to do. I didn’t spend much time selecting my OB. It didn’t occur to me that I could interview and select for myself, not just get whoever was available. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t automatically an OB patient at my GYN’s office. No one ever expressed it any other way, so I went along.

I just didn’t know what I didn’t know.

I wanted a natural birth in a hospital setting. I wanted to move around. I asked in advance about using the hospital’s “special” squat bar during the pushing phase. I got “ok’s” for almost everything I asked for. I didn’t think what I was asking was too big a deal: no IV, limited fetal monitoring, freedom to move within the room, choice of pushing position, my husband and doula present. But apparently that’s not the standard at the hospital I chose.

So even though most things were “ok” no one was comfortable with my choices. The nurses got angry when I removed the EFM belt to get comfortable. I refused the IV 4 separate times before they decided I needed antibiotics- intravenously. I was offered an epidural at least 4 times. Finally the nurse had had enough and stopped coming into the room.

When I reached transition (and was vomiting into a small bedpan) she poked her head in, saw me vomit- and left my husband holding the plastic pan! (He still talks about this.)

And when I began to push before the doctor arrived, I was admonished. Then, I was criticized for not pushing right, for not pushing to a count, for not trying hard enough. At one point, the nurse said “Do you want to have this baby or not?” as I was not pushing, while waiting for a contraction.

At that moment, I angrily thought “No! If I could choose, I’d stop right now, walk out of here and never come back!”

It wasn’t until later that I realized the staff was unprepared for someone like me. They had procedures and protocols in place to do their daily work and I didn’t fit into the mold of their day. They had little or no experience with childbirth with no Pitocin and no epidural. They didn’t know what to do when I got out of bed and used the toilet, because the other women in labor couldn’t walk around because they didn’t feel their legs!

So I think, looking back, that I frightened them. Maybe I made them wonder why, when I pushed back against their idea of normal. (It probably didn’t help that my baby crowned at 3pm, just at the shift change for nursing staff.) I was different, unusual for this hospital. Even though the hospital tour touted the advances in equipment- like the squat bar, no one actually used this stuff. The doctors didn’t like it, so it was there mainly as part of the sales pitch.

When I look back, I realize that the staff wasn’t able to support me- not because they didn’t want to, because they didn’t know how. These were not evil hospital workers, intent on intervention at every turn. These were people, doing their jobs to standard, the way they were taught. They believed the IV was important, and that’s why they insisted on it. They were not trying to step on my rights as a patient, but they didn’t really understand why I was asserting myself. It was foreign to them.

They probably didn’t know (and maybe still don’t) that you can’t push when it doesn’t feel like pushing. And you can’t not-push during a pushing contraction. It might have been the very first time they saw a woman in labor without drugs. So how could they know what I really needed, when they had never seen this before?

I knew I had to try something new for my next time. I needed to find a care provider who would understand and respect my choices, and I needed to find a care provider that trusted my body as much as I did. That was the beginning of my transition out of hospital birth.

Read Full Post »