How you are supported by others is a reflection of how you are supporting yourself.
If this makes you want to argue, let’s look at what’s going on with you right now. Are you consistently appreciated? Do you feel valued by those around you? Do family and friends validate your choices and your intuition?
If the answer is No, or Not quite, or even Sometimes, it may be because you are doubting your own worth. (Having doubt is only human, after all.) Those around us, unless they are engaged in active conscious living, simply mirror back to us everything we feel inside about ourselves. It’s not intentional. In fact it’s as un-intentional as how you may be feeling inside.
Ever notice how, on the days you’re feeling a bit insecure, the actions of others encourage those feelings?
One day, feeling unattractive because the baby weight was there, but not the cute “bump” seen in all the cute ads, just the muffin-top from too tight pants. It was all in my tummy, thighs and butt and I felt like a big chubby sausage. Then someone says, “It’s good to know you’re pregnant, otherwise I’d be worried about all that weight you’re gaining.”
But wasn’t that pretty close to the same thoughts I was holding? Maybe I even said the same thing to myself moments before the verbal comment. It’s not a coincidence. It’s the way the universe works. We put it out and it comes back to us.
So how do we change what we’re receiving? We change what we’re sending out. It doesn’t matter how well you treat others, if you don’t treat yourself just as considerately.
Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? Most of us wouldn’t. So begin by changing how you talk to yourself.
It doesn’t mean you’ll never have another internal mean thought- that you’ll never think you look fat, or feel insecure. But if you are willing to believe everyone feels like that sometimes, you may be able to be more forgiving.
Here’s what I do: Most days, I wear a special necklace with a relatively large pendant. (If you don’t wear jewelry, that’s ok too- you can still do this.) When I hear myself say anything un-supportive, I hold my hand to my heart, touch my pendant, take a breath. Then I forgive myself for being unkind. And I say something like, It’s ok to be afraid, (feel insecure, etc). I’m trying new things and am not always going to be sure of myself. I can trust that the way is always there if I follow my heart. I am an amazing woman.
I try to be as positive as possible, and always tell myself the truth about my worth. If the truth about you is hard to find right now, it’s time to call a friend who will tell you the truth of your worth, so you can remember how awesome you are. You are valuable. You have a purpose to serve in the world and if you don’t yet know what that is, that doesn’t make you less important.
Only you can choose to be supported- by first choosing to honor and support yourself.
We choose the people with whom we surround ourselves. We share our lives with these people and our children learn from our example. This is where they learn to be supported and find their own value and worth.
I was reminded especially of this truth last week when a member of my sister’s extended family was shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend, the father of her 3 year old son. Please know- I am absolutely NOT placing responsibility on anyone but the man who made the choice to take a life. But I guarantee this woman’s mother is currently reviewing her past relationships and wondering about the example she set for her daughter. It DOES matter that both this woman and her mother found the resolve to step out of the pattern of abuse and violence. It DOES matter that they each found their value and worth and acted on this truth, choosing to leave.
It is not too late to choose to see your own worth. There is only now.
This is as direct a message as you may see this week, so I want it to be clear and obvious. I want you to see it so clearly that you jump out of your chair and take whatever action is necessary to acknowledge and validate yourself and your needs.
I want you to support yourself and to be supported and loved by those you choose to bring into your life. That begins on the inside of each of us. And everything we show our children is a lesson. They see everything we do and it becomes what they know. Teach them to know how you value yourself and they will also learn their own worth.