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Posts Tagged ‘trust’

Ever get the feeling you should (or shouldn’t) do something? It might not seem to fit; it might mean making others unhappy or disappointed; it may mean going back on a commitment because you’ve changed your mind; it may mean doing something you’ve never done- maybe something a little scary.

It might not be convenient in the moment, but usually the feeling (or little voice) inside proves right in the long run.

It’s difficult to justify decisions that come from your inner voice, especially living in a world that is defined by comparing yourself to others on the outside. Your sense of defined logic and reason don’t always match this inner voice. Sometimes it may even seem a little crazy!

But when you learn to pay attention to what your inner wisdom shows you, and to trust and follow that guidance, you’ll find a limitless source of information available to you (at your mental fingertips) that you can access at any time, for any situation or circumstance.

This means that with practice you will intuitively know what to do. The practice then becomes learning to follow this guidance and learning to trust yourself.

Learning to access your inner guidance can change how you approach pregnancy, birth, parenting and life.

So where do you find this voice?

Begin by tuning in to Monday’s show at 1pm ET here: A Labor of Love

The topic is Body Wisdom 101, where I’ll share some basic information about connecting with your inner guidance that you can begin to use right now. Even if you’re not a parent (and have no plans to be one) this information can help you connect with your inner guidance system.

(Don’t worry if you can’t catch the live show. The podcast is generally available for download within 24 hours after the show airs.)

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My Body Knew

As part of the Healthy Birth Blog Carnival from Amy Romano’s blog at Science and Sensibility, I wanted to add my two cents about this month’s topic, Lamaze Healthy Birth Practice #5: Avoid giving birth on your back and follow your body’s urges to push.

The first time around, I was so excited to see that my hospital was ahead of the game. They even had squat bars as part of the “special birthing beds” so women could labor upright and be in a more natural position to push. I talked to my doctor about it, got his confirmation that this would be fine, and included it in my birth plan. I knew from what I read (and instinctively it fit) that pushing in an upright position was easier on the body because the pelvis is open wider.

On the day of my labor, when the time came to push, the nurse began setting up the bed with stirrups. I reminded her I wanted to use the squat bar. She told me there were no doctors who used the squat bar, mine included. The doctor said, I won’t be able to see anything! I persisted. I insisted. (Women who have been through labor will understand that arguing can be quite difficult at this stage of labor, especially with an overwhelming urge to push.)

Although the staff agreed to let me try, I was allowed to push squatting for 3 contractions before being told, This isn’t working, and put on my back for the remainder of the birth.

(It occurred to me later that the doctor didn’t really need to see, and that if he really did want to see, the entire bed could be raised up 2-3 feet.)

The second time around, I let my midwife and doula know how important it was to me that I be encouraged (not just allowed) to follow my body, especially for pushing. I labored in the tub for about an hour before my water broke, and I quickly felt like bearing down. I went from hands and knees to semi-squatting, then back to hands and knees between contractions. It felt so natural and good to move with my body.

My daughter was born with a nuchal arm (her head and hand/arm together) and there was some tearing, but I didn’t even feel it. I felt only the power of the moment, the roar of a birth goddess within me, following intuitive guidance from the body I had learned to trust.

I learned later that many women, given the freedom to do so (both physical freedom and freedom from self-consciousness) will draw up into a semi-squat naturally, to open more fully to birth their babies.

I am blessed to have had the opportunity to trust my body to birth. And I am blessed to be surrounded by women who trusted me to follow my body. My body knew exactly what to do.

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I was thinking about Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr and his most famous speech- how one man articulated the dream of so many. It wasn’t his dream alone and he didn’t want it only for himself. The dream was so big & amazing and became possible only because so many were willing to speak out, be present and stand strong together for a common goal- real freedom & equality for all people regardless of their color.

My dream doesn’t make headlines. No one is marching – yet.

I have a dream that women (and men) might see more clearly that how women are treated during labor matters. That honoring the wisdom of the body, allowing labor to wind its way to birth, holding a sacred space for birth, and keeping intervention to a minimum matters- for both mother and baby (and for generations to come.)

I have a dream that women won’t have to struggle for informed consent and refusal and that the courts stop ordering medical management of pregnancy, labor and birth against any woman’s decisions. I dream that women have the resources they need to be educated about their body and the community support they need to remember their innate strength, and to find confidence from the experience of birth.

I dream that the hostility and judgment of women by women ends; that women unify to leverage their majority to create real solutions that support women and validate and honor individual choice.

I dream that women might not have to choose between caring for their children at home and earning a living apart from their families- that working together solutions can be found that allow babies to accompany their mothers if they choose to engage in professional work.

I dream women will no longer need to act like men to belong in the world. I dream that being feminine and female is honored- that the role of mother and nurture-giver is respected as valuable work; that women and men will each be respected for their differences- in perspective, in approach to problem-solving, in simply be-ing.

I dream that all women have the opportunity to understand and embrace conscious conception, bonding before birth, gentle pregnancy, and trusting birth; that women have empowered choices for labor; that they are recognized as the experts of their bodies.

I dream that my daughters grow up valuing their femaleness; and that being female is synonymous with wisdom and respect – and the right to bodily integrity.

What are you dreaming?

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Somehow I always thought I’d be a mother of sons. I was a bit of a tomboy for much of my life and also relate to the directness of men. When I was younger, I usually had male friends and I didn’t always get along with women.

And here I am, raising daughters.

I’m learning over the years more about women- and about being a woman among women. I learned that I held myself apart because I considered most women adversaries. I learned that much of life/society is constructed in a way to inspire me to challenge other women, rather than support them. I also figured out that men were easier to manipulate and women called me on my $h*% which I didn’t like very much back then. But I’m starting to see how supportive that really is.

And now, I’m learning to see the world in a new way, as I consider my old ideas to decide if they are worthy of my daughters.

My girls like to dress up like princesses. How does a mother battle against the tired cliche of “damsel rescued by prince”? Very carefully, I’m learning. Because they “know” the story already. I can only add that I’m sure Cinderella might have done just fine if she had seen how talented she was and applied for a job somewhere. I can introduce new stories where brave girls take brave action.

And maybe more important that the entertainment they view (which is purposely limited), is listening to how they see their world. I encourage them to talk freely about what they are experiencing, even if they are mad at me or their dad. I want them to be comfortable voicing the truth, their truth, and comfortable accepting their strength as individuals within our family group.

I want them to learn to trust what is inside (passions, intuition, intelligence, self-esteem) as more significant and important than what is presented from the outside. And so I need to take this lesson to heart. I spend my quiet time remembering the truth of who I am, who I want to be, and bringing all aspects of myself together in the best way I can. I am teaching my girls to love and accept themselves by honoring who I am in each moment.

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